Rediscovering Chloe

I’m on the plane home visiting my family and I feel like I finally have some space to feel and breathe. I released my EP and I’m happy it’s out, although it hasn’t been successful in a monetary sense, it’s been really pertinent to my growth as a human. I hope some of you like the songs, and have enjoyed the visuals this year. This project felt like the end of the “Baker Grace” I’ve been for the past 8 years since I started making music under that name. If I’m being honest it’s been a wild journey of ups and downs trying to navigate the music industry.

It’s both exciting and disheartening that I feel like I’ve never fully shown who I am as an artist. There were so many voices in my head and people around me at such a young age, that I became very protective of the songs I wrote in my bedroom. The music where I was the most vulnerable and the songs that just effortlessly flowed out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I have music that I love on the internet and songs I’ve written that I relate to a lot, but I still feel like I’ve been holding back.

This year I spent a lot of time revisiting my younger self and rediscovering Chloe. I started writing music for myself more, and spent more time in the studio alone learning how to produce so that I can have more control over my sound and how I’m portrayed as an artist. I thought I had to become this other thing, build a persona, wear makeup and do my hair all perfect but fuck that. I can be exactly who I want to be, I can let my soul speak for itself.

Now that I have the confidence to embrace who I am and share my truth. I can’t wait to release songs that represent that next year. Songs that I’ve been holding on to because I wanted to hide behind the less personal ones. The songs I didn’t choose to write but I NEEDED to write. In the meantime I hope you enjoy the EP, especially "More Than Entertainment" (it’s one of my favorites).

Happy Thanksgiving, Grateful for all of you

Keep shining your light!

BG

Receiving is an act of love

Giving has always been a lot easier than taking for me.  It’s vulnerable to ask for help because in asking for help you’re admitting that you’re not perfect.  I think our culture really values self-suffiency, sometimes to a detriment. It’s become cool to be hyper independent and not need anybody. But If we were meant to do everything ourselves, we would’ve been put on this earth alone. 

The past months have taught me that receiving is an act of love. When you let someone take care of you or teach you something, you are showing them that you trust and value them. The opportunity to help is a gift and depriving someone of that because you want to seem like you have it all figured out hurts both parties. 

 I’ve been challenging myself to open my heart to receive even when it’s uncomfortable and the result, so much growth. We grow when we share our mistakes, when we let our imperfections be witnessed. I never realized how much energy I spent trying to make it seem like I had it all together. Energy I could’ve spent on actually getting it together. 

If  there were times your vulnerability was used against you or looked down upon, it can be hard to let people in, but a real healthy connection requires both giving and taking. If you’re giving all the time, you attract people who are happy just to take and it reinforces the mentality that there's no point of asking for help. We all deserve people who care enough to meet our needs and who get happy making us happy. Sometimes the best way to show someone you love them, is to let them love you, and to let them love you is to let them see you for all of who you are.

Keep shining your light!

-BG <3

Keep Climbing

Growth doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes it can be really hard to be consistent when you don’t see results. It’s easy to revert to an old version of yourself because change is uncomfortable. A familiar hell can easily win over an unfamiliar heaven, especially when you struggle to feel like you deserve to be happy. 

I spent a lot of this year working on my mental health through meditation, breath/energy work, therapy, yoga, and healthy relationships. My life didn't magically become better because I was healing, in fact, life threw a lot of unexpected and hard things my way.

Healing has, however, made me better at life. I am better at knowing when to say yes and when to say no. I am better at regulating my nervous system, challenging negative thoughts, and listening to my body. I am more calm when presented with conflict and unexpected emergencies. I no longer dissociate everytime things get hard and instead, give myself permission to feel (without judgement).

My progress has not been linear. I realized I would do the work and grow and then revert back when I saw my life wasn’t changing for the better because of it. I wanted a reward for all the hard work I did for myself or a sign that I was on the right path. I thought it wasn’t working or I wasn’t doing it right, but what wasn't right was my mentality. Doing anything for the expectation of something in return is almost always going to leave you dissatisfied, and sometimes what you get in a return is just a feeling; an open heart, a moment of euphoria, a deeper connection with someone you love.

The satisfaction comes in the surrender, in the trusting that the positive choices you’re making are taking you to where you need to be, in embracing the feelings of uncomfortability and uncertainty. It can be hard to keep going up the mountain when you have no idea what the view is at the top, or if you'll ever get there. In those moments, I remind myself that there’s beauty to be found in every step of the way and there's peace to be felt in being grateful for the ability to keep climbing.